No, I don’t mean “send a nice catch-up message to your favourite homosexual person(s)”. Though you can do that too of course. I’ll wait here. (Mostly thinking about how cool it would be if calling someone a “fairy” as a pejorative slur instantly granted them magical fairy powers…of wroth and vengeance).
I mean: I need to procure a mail service where dispassionate people edit my replies to shitty emails.
I will hit send, and *floopitybloopityMAGIC* it will first be fired off to my team of email fairies. Who will edit out all the snark and edge I won’t even notice is there (until I re-read it immediately after sending), and edit in some nice productive conversation starters. Simultaneously side-stepping and extinguishing any and all flaming piles of poop.
Option 2: I continue to try and develop these abilities in myself.
…
Stupid self-determination. Fine. I will do it myself. Fine. NO IT’S FINE. I ENJOY THE HARD SLOG OF BECOMING A BETTER PERSON. IN NO WAY DOES IT BURN AT MY HOLLOW CAUSTIC SOUL. I’M NOT SHOUTING, I’M JUST SPEAKING EMPHATICALLY.
Sigh. Type. Pause. Delete delete delete delete….
And elsewhere on the internet, Scrappy Kitty is Scrappy: