Your dream is not a hoax

My bro-in-law sent me the HUVr clip this morning.

“Lie” alarms went off in my brain, but I chose to hit snooze until the end of the video.

Why? Because I would like us to build some of the things we dream about. I would like for that to be true. For the same reason as everyone believes hoaxes — I want it to be real. I want people to be out there building transporters and hovercrafts and holodecks and sharks with frickin laser…wait, scratch that last one.

I also want the world to be just slightly different than it is. Hovering, sure — that gets at our deepest dreams of flight and fun. But what if mankind’s contributions to the world were more fantastical, less destructive? What if we built hoverboards instead of cars? What if applied science was applied to joy? How amazing, let’s do it!

I also want the world to be less of a sneering snidey place. I don’t want celebrities to cash in on being idols (Tony Hawk) and guides (Christopher Lloyd) — to gain people’s confidence only to trick them. That’s why these are the celebrities in the video. They are there because we trust them. You have to have trust before trust can be betrayed.

Pranks that prey on people’s dreams are gross. Sad in your job? Did this give you a blip of happiness? Haha, gotcha! There is nothing beautiful and fantastical out there, and people should laugh at you for believing there might have been. Gullible. Sucker.

It’s mean-spirited and it eats away at hope, trust and empathy.

It makes all of us jaded and wary, and it makes people feel silly for still having dreams. Which do we want (and need) more of: building dreams, or tearing them down?

I guess I’ll just have to get to work on building my own hoverboard. I promise, if I do, I’ll let you ride on it.

 

Facebook Ads: “We can make it look like an accident”

I really enjoy watching Facebook ads flounder with my relatively anonymous “incomplete” account.

Why would anyone not complete their Facebook profile? Why don’t I want people to reach me? People could be trying to reach you right now. Why won’t you reach back? Why are you such a cold monster?!

What possible reason could I have? WHERE ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING OH GOD IT BURNS!!

Here’s today’s best guess:

Nailed it.

Or… wait. Do they need to be more specific?

Always be specific kids. Also don’t do, or sell, drugs.

But…

…if you do…

Facebook knows a guy.

Email fairies

No, I don’t mean “send a nice catch-up message to your favourite homosexual person(s)”. Though you can do that too of course. I’ll wait here. (Mostly thinking about how cool it would be if calling someone a “fairy” as a pejorative slur instantly granted them magical fairy powers…of wroth and vengeance).

I mean: I need to procure a mail service where dispassionate people edit my replies to shitty emails.

I will hit send, and *floopitybloopityMAGIC* it will first be fired off to my team of email fairies. Who will edit out all the snark and edge I won’t even notice is there (until I re-read it immediately after sending), and edit in some nice productive conversation starters.  Simultaneously side-stepping and extinguishing any and all flaming piles of poop.

Option 2: I continue to try and develop these abilities in myself.

Stupid self-determination. Fine. I will do it myself. Fine. NO IT’S FINE. I ENJOY THE HARD SLOG OF BECOMING A BETTER PERSON. IN NO WAY DOES IT BURN AT MY HOLLOW CAUSTIC SOUL. I’M NOT SHOUTING, I’M JUST SPEAKING EMPHATICALLY.

Sigh. Type. Pause. Delete delete delete delete….

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Carl Sagan and Patrick Stewart try to save us from ourselves.

Over the past week or so, just about every single person I know has shared the Carl Sagan “pale blue dot” video. Tagged “must watch” or “life changing”. But I couldn’t shake the feeling I’d seen it, or something very similar to it, before.

And, though Google search strings failed me, my cousin pulled through with the link to the Patrick Stewart video. So here they both are together. Carl on the Earth as a tiny speck in the cosmos, and Patty-boy on the Earth as an island. Enjoy!

Carl:

Patrick:


“A Consumer”

As described by your pal and mine, William Gibson. Quoted in “Why I won’t buy an iPad” (which, btw, is also f’ing brilliant).

A Consumer

“[S]omething the size of a baby hippo, the color of a week-old boiled potato, that lives by itself, in the dark, in a double-wide on the outskirts of Topeka. It’s covered with eyes and it sweats constantly. The sweat runs into those eyes and makes them sting. It has no mouth… no genitals, and can only express its mute extremes of murderous rage and infantile desire by changing the channels on a universal remote.”