Sometimes when I’m at home, I like to narrate my house as if I were doing a TV design show walkthrough.
“My clients didn’t want to spend a lot of money on a redo for a rental apartment. So come and see some really simple, inexpensive solutions you can try at home…
“Here, where their dated and shoddy parquet floor started to pull apart, exposing the underfloor, they’ve placed this $34.99 Ikea rug just so over top of the damaged area. And now their bedroom looks like new.
“Over in the bathroom, they’ve unified this disgusting rust orange flooring with these ’80s pink shower tiles by hanging this lovely neutral shower curtain.
“In the living room, see this unusual giant wonk in an otherwise straight wall. Since nothing flat can rest against this feature, our clients have placed a Poang chair at this end of the room. Notice how the curves of the arms echo the irregular sight lines.
“…and the doors to the balcony, where my clients noticed that the poorly installed door allowed strong cold winds to blow into their apartment on winter days. In the after shot, you can see how they’ve hung these heavy drapes as a chic nod to Victorian energy efficiency.
“Join us next week when we hang pictures over cracks in the drywall, and learn how to draw the eye up and away from permanent oil stains on the carpet with just a jaunty switchplate!”
We do the same thing with our house. For most of January, I pictured that I was on “Property Virgins” with Sandra Rinomato, as we were looking at various houses. I also seem to know far too much about staging and house-flipping now. (Look at how they de-cluttered the baby’s room, and the nice neutral paint colours!)