Dude, do we realize how much it costs to be a woman?
Like, cash money, costs to be a woman. (If you’re going to do it “properly” that is…)
You are supposed to have facials. Recommended minimum: once a season (cheap=$60+tax+tip). You are supposed to have your nails done (hand and feet).
You’re supposed to remove hair from most of your body. As by waxing ($75+). And done the recommended way, that means products for before and products for after. Preparatory gels, exfoliants, “soothing creams”. Little special loofahs, brushes and scrapers. Done every 4(ish) weeks.
Those who shave get to experience Venus’ pyramid of extortion and redonculous packaging. Where replacement razor blades >$20. (Presumably the prices have gone up to cover licensing of “I’m Your Venus” for the ads). Or you can bleach (bleaching creme) or burn off (depilatory cream). And then tweeze.
Basic skin care regimes are to include cleansers, toners, and moisturizers. Some for day and some for night. Subdivided into formulations each for general body, for feet, for hands, for face, and for eyes. Probably specific treatments for “problem areas”. Oh, and one product line for summer (light) and one for winter (heavy). Plus, of course, your standard masks for once a week (or month… if you want to be ugly).
It’s not enough for women to just have clean teeth. We (in this case, just like the boys) are supposed to let no pesky enamel stop us from getting them shiny glistening “OH-GOD-MY-EYES-IT-BURNS” white. So it’s not a toothbrush and some paste, it’s a Tooth Whitening System. Plus touch-up sticks to keep in your purse for post-coffee, and mints for post-coffee breath.
And then the makeup. It doesn’t start with foundation. First there is pre-foundation, primer, blemish cover, then foundation, and possibly a powder or tanner to set it. Special brushes, wands and sponges required for each product. Mascara, eyeliner, shadow, lipstick/gloss/liner/stain, blush, bronzer. Then all the junk to get it off again (lotions, creams, gels, pads). You’re wearing makeup every day of course, so that’s a sweet burn rate on these products.
And sun-kissed cousin to the bronzer is the fake tan. Which you can pay to have sprayed on, or airbrushed on, or which you can buy in tubes and apply yourself (with, of course, separate products for face and body). You might need to buy a set of towels and sheets for when you use these as well, as the less expensive ($20) ones may come off your body post-shower/sweat/existing. Daily application for the gradual tanning products, every 1-2 weeks for professionally fake ($50).
“Going grey” isn’t even a thing anymore, and salons pimp dying your hair early and often, telling teens and up that there’s no such thing as a natural hair colour as desirable as dyed. Pay to have it done in the salon, or save by buying all the products in the store and doing it at home.
In addition to the dye itself (plus separate bleach depending on the colour), you’ll need more towels again (though you may be able to reuse your tanning towels here) and combs and prep gels, and post-dye special shampoos and conditioners, and root touch-up solutions.
Even for the undyed head there are still the deep conditioners, to be used at least once a month, and the styling products and paraphernalia. Straightening irons, curling irons, blow dryers (with dedicated attachments). Before-styling lotions, during-styling sprays, post-styling gels/cremes/glosses/wax.
Then the clothes. Sure, a proper suit for a fella costs $1K plus. Cry me a freakin’ river. Women are supposed to dress well, but also change up their wardrobe FOUR TIMES a year. Min-i-mum. You thought a once-every-5-years pilgrimage to Hugo Boss hurt? Pfft.
And, of course, the underpinnings to make the clothes possible. Strapless bras, halter bras, convertible bras, a nude coloured bra, a dark coloured bra. Something with thin/thick straps. Padded to wear under t-shirts. Something for sports. A whole line of somethings for… entertainment.
Jewelery for casual wear, for office wear, for fancy wear. Purses for work, for expensive dinners, for relaxed evenings out. Shoes for any and everything (which, naturally, must go with the aforementioned purses). And then all the bits and pieces you need to make women’s shoes wearable — moleskin, anti-blister sticks, insoles, athletic tape, liners.
I’m exhausted just thinking about it.
Exhausted and poor. No deal, Unreasonable Social Conventions. No. Deal.
