Thought:
Do you know what is fairly rare, but very embarassing?
When you open your mouth to speak and a bubble forms between your top and bottom lip. I’m not sure what the factors are that lead up to this. It happens probably twice a year. It may be connected to the use of lip balm?
Alls I know is that I’m coming into work early, stop off at a Starbucks, the regular guy looks at me to smile and chat and I open my mouth to say hi and blow a spit bubble at him.
Classy.

Thought:
There was a time when the above would have mortified me. But now I have it chuckled off by the time I put the lid on my cup (Grande Soy Tazo Chai for those wondering).
I wonder how much this has to do with age, or maybe it has to do with CPwr. I think it was pretty much the same time we got together that I stopped giving a rats ass what everyone else thinks. Nothin’ like the regular snuggles to steady the nerves…

Thought:
My right butt cheek is in pain from slamming into the wall at squash yesterday [4-0 for Mud 🙂 ]
Nothing really to say on that, other than I’m thinking about it right now.

Thought:
Why is it socially unacceptable to talk to homeless people? Why is it socially acceptable to *not see* them? We actually pretend they’re invisible. It goes way beyond our usual “I don’t talk to strangers” dealio. Granted, I’m now working in swanky Yorkville, and I think some of these highly coiffed fur-wearing bitties actually can’t see them. But why do I feel this wall of pressure that stops me from asking if I can buy a sandwich?

Sheesh.

Okay, so I am now working for the government. And we all now this couldn’t possibly just go smoothly…

First – the project I was hired to work on is cancelled. Well not cancelled *exactly*, just relocated to another team. So the end of my first week I went to a “you’re fired, you’re all fired!!” meeting.

No it wasn’t really like that.

There are still jobs for everyone. They were just announcing the end of the project, and letting everyone know that they will be moved to other projects (if they are interested in keeping their jobs). Which means that everyone now gets interviewed again in order to be slotted into the new projects.

Fine.

But I still don’t have my contract. Which leads me to…

Second – I found out today that I have two choices in order for the vendor of record (this is even more complicated, I’ll just brush past it) to pay me. I can become incorporated, or I can become a sole proprietor. In either case, I gotta become a company.

To do this I have to go down to the ‘Companies and Personal Property Security Branch Public Office’ and register Me as a business ($80). Once I get that all sorted out, I can finish up my contract with the vendor, with them paying me as a business.

But wait, there’s more. In order for the vendor to pay me, they will be issuing my cheques to my new “business”. And we all know that you can’t just take a cheque issued to a company and stick’er straight in your account.

This means that I have to set up a small business account to deposit my cheques to. Then I can pay myself.

AND even once I get this all sorted out, the earliest I will see a cheque is… oh, the end of April.

Smashing.

I got tired of losing all my thoughts by the time I get home – so this Friday I wrote them out on a tiny post-it whenever they came up.

Here’s what I got:
-no organization comes up with unique products/solutions/thoughts. They have summer students/young employees come up with 2 or 3, then they get recycled to death.

-if there is one employee who causes problems with *everyone*, why do other people get fired? Through sheer numbers shouldn’t they be overwhelmed and pushed out?

-endless corrections are demotivating. This is a problem when managers don’t generate anything, so they “participate” by editing other people’s content.

-how is it that there are hordes of young people who take jobs at companies/in fields they are completely opposed to (e.g. the pharmaceutical industry), but think it’s okay because “they know it’s wrong”

-I spent the last half of my Friday alternately chewing on, and wearing my ring on the tip of my nose (it’s a mesh beaded thing). Yet, because I didn’t leave before 5, I didn’t feel guilty. If I had admitted that there was nothing doing in my cube and gone home early, I would have beaten myself up about it all weekend.

-our online folders for work are organized so tightly that it’s a big fat mess and you can’t find what you need because there are so many subdivisions. So people don’t really use it properly. Why not just admit at the beginning that you need an equivalent to a “misc” folder. For instance, give all employees a personal folder online, named for them. Most people know who wrote the file they’re looking for, and they could just go to “rinjava” and find it.

-any project CAN have lots of management, but not all projects NEED lots of management

-note to self: design a dream office

-what came first, the privacy or the efficiency? How incredibly hard it is to generate good content in a loud open space. What I wouldn’t give for a door.

-our office uses pass cards. Which you wear clipped to your belt loop. You put it against a sensor by the door to get in. I’d love to set up a camera just to record people doing the “pass card hump”

That’s all. Have a good week folks!

Starting my new job tomorrow.

I am anxious because – I have not met anyone I’ll be working with (there was no interview, in person or otherwise), I have not seen where I’ll be working, oh yeah, and I’m not even sure what the job is.

super.

So feeling a little tense.

Just a little.

A smidge.

:curls up in a tiny ball under her desk:

*happy sigh*  What an awesome time to be me.

Funny how we compensate for being in an awful situation.  We adapt
to it, make excuses for it, find a way to exist within it, until you
get out.

Then you taste freedom.  The air is fresh.  The sun is
shining.  You realize that you have spent the last 8 months in a
pit.  I have a twoonie in my pocket and a spring in my step.

I was regretting not getting enough relaxation in the last 3
weeks.  I spent the first week just decompressing – having the
shakes from the soul sucking job that has been my life.  Then
started going back and forth with my new job, and feeling like wearing
sweats and watching t.v.

But now.  I’m realizing that whatever comes next can’t be as bad
as what came before.  I don’t have to pack everything into my time
off, because I am not going to be working 12 hours a day.  I will
have.. time.  And… energy.  *gasp*  Oh yeah, and
money.  I can finally experience that joy you’re supposed to have
when you finish your degree and get to stop living like a
student.  Kuzzah!

*And* this past week I’ve been a production monkey.  So many
little house things fixed.  Blinds put up, new rugs with traction
the cat can’t skitter over and leave as a crumpled mass against the
wall, hooks installed in the closet.  I love using drills, I love
fixing stuff, I love gettin’ scraped knuckles.  RARRR!

Birds are chirping, the house is clean, the organic veggies arrived,
and I’m going out for a nice dinner with C.Pwr.  And it was good.

Commenting on onefixedstar‘s entry, my thoughts were getting unwieldy, so the rest of them
are here…

Since “The Passion” is the only Jesus movie which depicts just the
Passion in isolation, you have to already know the story for it to be
relevant – otherwise it’s just a brutally violent movie with no
plot.  Apparently there is no character development at all, and
no story to speak of.  Which is why some critics are comparing it
to pornography.

And the marketing is based on “knowing the story”.  And I guess they decided that
Christians had a bigger market share than Jews. Which is why they
developed canned sermons for Christian priests to use to plug the
movie. And special screened it for fundamentalist Christian groups. And
got “big name” Christians onside and vocal at an early stage. Oh yes, did you
know there is merchandise? Official merchandise includes:
-a nail
pendant on a leather string
-co-op commercials churches can buy.  These
are a trailer for the movie which will let the church plug themselves
at the end for 10 seconds (only $795, $1790 if you want your pastor in the ad)
-“witness cards” – with a movie promotion on one side and an
evangelical message on the other.

Mmmm religious marketing…

So I watch The Apprentice.

Not religiously. But I do seem to have a problem turning it off, or turning off the t.v. if I know it’s up next.

*sigh*

Partly just because all the people remind me of the world I left behind in advertising. Blech.

Anywho, that’s the subject of this mini-rant:
It seems that every time the women get fired there is an emotional component. Either they were too panicky, too flustered, or just too emotive. Tonight’s ‘firing’ was the pinnacle. That she was “too emotional” was the whole reason.

What kills me about this is that the men are hyper-emotional. But they manifest it as anger or rage. This guy is sitting there with his eyes literally bugging out of his head with fury, saying that she should be fired for being too emotional. But it seems that while emotions/actions with feminine associations (like anxiety, being flustered, or being cooperative) are character flaws, emotions perceived as masculine (anger, outrage, indignation) don’t even register. Picture screaming “she’s too emotional, that’s inappropriate in the boardroom!!!!”

Y’ello, kettle? This is the pot, you’re black.

Just got back in after a loverly day (other than twisting my knee and deciding the pants I was wearing need to be retired).

Took the streetcar in with C.Pwr – and realized that I can still do that for my new job, YAY! Holding hands, avoiding the crazies… ah, to be young and in love.

Went to kickboxing, which was awesomeapoweroo, since there were only 3 of us + the instructor. So lots of one on one time. We sparred near the end and… wait for it… I kicked my instructor over. Flat on the ground.
Sweet. I mean, she’s a nice lady and all, but SWEET.

Then a luxurious steam (I love steams), followed by a luxurious shower. Then a luxurious streetcar ride (screw you walking, I’m in the money!) down to lunch with a friend, WHERE the meal I wanted was half off. *happy sigh*.

Then lunch buddy and I, who I will refer to as BadInfluence, did a little shopping.

It has been so long since I suckled at the teat of consumption. But armed with way too much birthday money (thanks you guys) and the knowledge that I have more moula coming my way, I loosened up a little on the pursestrings.

I bought:
– body shop soaps (you’re welcome captain power)
– a dress. Or, as I will be calling it, my Björk dress.
– 2 sweaters. 1 a little more daring than the other…

Now, I think I will have a nap. AHAHAHAHA! Oh yes, and BadInfluence works at the hellhole I used to work, and was a nice reminder of what a big pile of crazy they are… *more happy sighs*

Okay, Dido was probably making me feel a bit melancholy, so I’m going to try this entry to the tune of…Björk.

Started off my day leafing through the new Game Developer magazine…I thought, yeah, pretty pictures, uncontroversial content (for me at least), eeeeaaase my way into the day. I woke up with a headache this morning, so I needed eeeeaaaassing. I’m making tea right now, in an effort to patch up that headache with some caffeine – “teacher, mother, secret lover”.

Turns out this copy of Game Developer includes their annual salary review. I’m thinking ‘hey, pretty lucrative field, especially since these are U.S. figures’. Then I notice a little pie chart beside the breakdowns for each field (art, programming, production)… salary breakdown for women vs. men.

Huh.

Big fat discrepancies in each category. A $15,000 difference as producers, almost $5,000 as programmers, $6,000 in design, and so on. Only one exception – in Quality Assurance, women make almost $3,000 more than men.

Overall though, women’s salaries lagged at $0.87 to men’s $1.00.

Thinking critically, there are a few things to feel hopeful about. One, is that I believe in equal pay for equal work. The game industry is young. And a real presence of women in the industry is even younger. It is possible that we are seeing a bit of catch up since women, as a demographic, are still more likely to have less experience. And less experience tends to translate into lower salary.

Unfortunately, the $0.87 is actually less than in 2002 when the survey found women had salaries of $0.89 to the dollar. Again, I am hopeful that this is actually an indicator of hiring more women at a junior level. Maybe. Something to keep an eye on.

I experienced a weird flip as I kept reading, and I suddenly decided the game industry was progressive in paying women $0.89. The U.S. Labour Department’s Labour Stats have the male-female wage gap as $1.00 to $0.78.

These are numbers for the States, so I felt compelled to see how Canada measures up. In 1999, the gap was 30.1%. For every $100 a man took home, a woman earned $70.

The Government of Canada’s Pay Equity Review made this comment:
“…although the male-female wage gap has narrowed over the past few decades, a persistent unexplainable male-female wage gap continues to exist. After accounting for gender differences in work history and other factors, the study concludes that approximately one half to three-quarters of the gender wage gap cannot be explained. This unexplained portion of the gender wage gap is commonly referred to as the pay equity wage gap.”

SIGH.

A theme that will keep coming up as I keep making blog entries is my deer-in-the-headlights shock at how the world works. I’ve been around a few blocks, so I’m not as doey-eyed innocent as I was. But I’m still a part of that generation of young women coming into their own now – you know the ones, we grew up in the 70s and 80s, and were part of the inculcation of new ideals.

We listed to “Free to Be, You and Me”, wore cordoruys, and watched a Sesame Street that showed ethnic diversity. We started soccer and hockey teams. Our dads helped do dishes. Some of us played co-operative board games…

We were also taught that all people should be treated equally. That women can be whatever they want to be. I didn’t realize just how deeply those ideas had burrowed into me. And I think you don’t until you see that the world isn’t actually that way.

Not that we were so delusional to think that the world was *already* there, and we were just plugging into it. I think we thought that we were part of a momentum of change, but an inevitable momentum. Like there had been some sort of consensus that had happened before I was born, where everyone said, “yup, this is the way to go”, and we were just following through.

But that ain’t the case starfish. There is more momentum than there has been in a long time, but there is also a resistance and a whole pile of ugly that doesn’t want to get swept away. Power is comfortable, consensus is hard, and simple solutions don’t fix complex problems.

However. I’m here. And those ‘hippie’ parents might have planted something of a false reality, but a part of that was planting a real expectation. Women of my generation see themselves as fundamentally entitled to all those good things like equal pay and opportunity. We’re shocked and indignant when someone says that we can’t have it. We ask why, and expect a reasonable answer.

And I think that’s a step in the right direction.